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Finding Your Silly Name
I recently received an e-mail from my
distinguished friend Ian, who had forwarded a message from his wife containing instructions
how to determine one's Silly Name. I receive a lot of joke e-mails in my time but
this was the funniest I had seen in ages. Naturally I decided to automate the tedious process
of determining a Silly Name in order to flex my programming muscles. No comments, please.
The email contained instructions for finding your Silly Name by following
a set of rules based upon your regular name. Use the form
above to find out what your silly name is.
 The method for creating a Silly Name is derived from the children's book
Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants by
Dav Pilkey. This is the fourth epic novel in the Captain Underpants series,
which can be purchased, I am assured, in a boxed set along with the other three Captain
Underpants epic novels and a whoopie cushion. These stories are wildly popular among
today's youth and receive glowing approbations from the preteen set at amazon.com.
Silly Names for Famous Folk:
- George Bush (Jr. and Sr.): Goober Chickenshorts
- Cher: Crusty Wafflebuns
- Winston Churchill: Zippy Wafflebuns
- Bill Clinton: Booger Liverchunks
- George Clinton (P-Funk): Goober Liverchunks
- Sally Fields: Booger Cootiebrain
- Engelburt Humperdink: Fluffy Chickenbiscuits
- Madonna: Gidget Diaperhiney
- Marilyn Monroe: Loopy Burgerbuns
- Arnold Schwarzenegger: Zippy Gigglesquirt
- Sting: Chim-chim Gerbilchunks
- Tinky Winky: Zippy Cootiebutt
I think it is safe to say, that if everyone had a silly moniker, history would be different.
Would the textbooks spend as much time covering Falafel Girdlebrain's (Arthur [Lord] Wellington's)
victory over Doofus Diaperhiney (Napoleon) at Waterloo?
Loopy Girdlekisser's (Herman Melville's) book, Lumpy Cootiebutt (Moby Dick) would
have started "Call me Cheeseball Pizzatushie (Ishmael)". The mind boggles.
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